Lions and Tigers and Bears – No Way
by hercat
Summary: Hey, we can’t all summon fantastically impressive beasts. An Irukacentric very short.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Lions and Tigers and Bears – No Way

Summary: Hey, we can't all summon fantastically impressive beasts. An Iruka-centric (very) short.

Feedback: Only if there are no threats of any kind in it. A grateful thank you to Lady Geuna and Hey-Diddle-Diddle who managed this, and thanks to MalletWielderofDoom for the kind words. Feeding the author author works more.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I have stickers with them on. Does that count?

* * *

"We need a distraction now" yelled Genma and Iruka did the first thing he thought of. The sting of pain and the seals tripped off his fingers.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu" he yelled slamming his palm down.

"Aawari?"said the summons.

"How the _hell_ is that useful?" Genma demanded. Iruka ran through the second set of seals even faster than the first.

"Kamome no Jutsu" he said brushing the feathers of the seagull he'd just summoned and making it shriek. There was a noise like a ton of popcorn going off at once, and the trees were full of the birds.

"Awari _awari_ Awari Awa AWARI ri Awari A AWARI wari Awa AWARI ri Awari Awari Awari Awari AWARI Awari _awari_ Awari AWARI Awari Awari Aw_ awari_ ri Awari Awari Awari AWA_ awari_ RI _awari_ Awari Awari Awari Awari Awa_ awari_ ri A_ awari_ wari Awari A AWARI wari Awari Awari Awari Aw_ awari_ ari Awari AWARI Awari"

There must have been thousands of the birds filling the branches around them and shoving at each other.

The trio of grass Jounin sneered up at them, one waving a captured bird by the neck, ignoring the frantic flapping.

"You can't possibly imagine something so pathetic will even slow us down." Iruka didn't even pause before tearing open a cloth pouch and throwing the contents in the air.

"DINNERTIME" Genma had about half a second to register what looked like little sticks before the air was full of birds.

Beating wings and feathers filled the air. Genma swore and swatted at the stupid animals getting a 'present' for his troubles. "Don't bat at them Genma-san, they just get upset."

"No shit" muttered Genma, letting the Chuunin lead him out of the chaos and wiping at his face. In a moment they were clear and making good time as the screeching mass quickly fell behind them. "Those are the _stupidest_ summons I've ever seen. And that includes sheep."

"Well, I'll admit they're not the smartest summons, but they're easy."

"Sou ka?"

"Un. It's about the same as two bunshin each."

"Two for each bird? That's easier than hawks."

"Um, actually two per jutsu. You just hold the second one longer if you want more birds. Feed them once, and after that they come to you pretty much on their own."

Genma just stared at Iruka who rubbed at his scar awkwardly. "Of course, they're not much good for anything else. They can't even carry messages. It's why no one ever wants the contract. Of course, if you do it indoors, it's even more spectacular." Genma blinked, his brain assembling facts.

"The year after I graduated…at the academy graduation exam…" Iruka had turned pink. "They had to postpone things for a week to clean the building…" Iruka was beet red and staring fixedly ahead as they ran through the trees. Genma chuckled under his breath and shifted his senbon. _Well, wasn't that…interesting._


	2. The Right Stripe of man

Iruka looked at the sunken cave entrance, and at the partner standing at his side.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to go in there" he said cautiously. Perhaps it was supposed to be an honour, working with the famed copy-nin. Perhaps it was supposed to be a punishment, working with the person who'd screwed up team seven so spectacularly. Who'd screwed up _his students_ so spectacularly. More likely, Tsunade simply didn't care about anyone's opinion. From what Iruka had seen, that woman had a stroke of cold ruthlessness running through her. He didn't know why, but the idea of a medic-nin in charge of the village just made his skin crawl.

Even if he didn't have that much respect for Kakashi on a personal level, there was no doubt the man was a more skilled ninja than he'd ever be. Which might explain the little voice in the back of his head saying 'don't screw up, don't screw up' over and over.

"You'd have to be an idiot not to realize that" Kakashi said with a snort. "unfortunately we may be just those idiots because short of collapsing the whole cave system, I can't think of any way to pry rock nin out of the ground".

"They're not rock nin Kakashi-san. As far as anyone knows, they're unaffiliated with a village." He received a scornful look for that note of caution. "And if it were to be shown otherwise, Konoha would likely be forced to declare war for these 'anonymous attacks'.

Shaking his head, Kakashi headed for the opening. "I'll lead, you watch my back."

"Wait," said Iruka reaching after him "I may have another solution."

"Oh? Some mysterious Umino jutsu? Maybe one for prying pearls out of oysters?"

'I will not strangle my partner, I will not strangle my partner.' Taking a deep breath, he prepared to summon.

"You know, if you keep breathing like that, I'm going to think you like the way I smell." The sudden surge of fury made it easy to find the energy to summon, despite the exhaustion nagging at his heels. It took all that he had though, leaving him bent over and face to face with a cold black nose, shining eyes, and black and white fur.

Iruka snapped back upright just in time to avoid being French kissed by a skunk.

"My beloved Iruka! Once again the strength of your calling rings in the depths of my heart! My blood is stirred as the trials of love bring me once more to your side! _And my passion rises."_ The growl at the end of the speech needed no translation.

Iruka could only see one of Kakashi's eyes, but his expression was all too easy to read.

"There are some people in the cave who need to be dealt with."

"AH! My heart is lifted to be of service to my beloved! My body tingles to be of use to you. _My whole body…"_

"Right then, best get going." With one last longing look, Iruka's summon bounced towards the cave mouth. A few minutes later, there was a column of green smoke rising from the entrance. Iruka could dimly hear screaming, which didn't surprise him. Even upwind the smell was pretty rank. "I expect they'll be out in a moment" he said quietly.

Indeed they were, and after a short bloody battle the problem was taken care of. Iruka let Kakashi do most of the work. He wasn't feeling particularly charitable, and even if it was a minor summons compared to what most nin could do, it was very draining for him. By the time the fight was over, he was about ready to pass out, but there was one more thing he had to do.

He politely excused himself and headed off into the woods with his summons. When he came back, Kakashi's eye went to the stain on his pants leg, and Iruka could see the look on his face.

"Before you say whatever it is that you're thinking, please keep in mind, I have a loaded skunk and I'm not afraid to use him".

The trip back to Konoha was very quiet after that.


End file.
